30 Day Photo Challenge - Day 2

A picture of you and the person you've been closest to the longest

I know that is actually two people. These are my two Amys (my step-mom's name is Amy too, lots of Amys in my life). The one on the left is my cousin Amy, who I've known since birth. Technically she should be the only one in the picture with me, but to me they both qualify. She and I lived on opposite sides of the state growing up, but we were pen pals. I would get to see her about 2 times a year, and we would write letters to each other in between. We live together now and she is one of my best friends. The other Amy (on the far right) is my best friend from high school. We've known each other nearly 15 years. We've been through a lot together and even had a few years where we didn't speak during our high school/college transition. She is my family. Her parents are my second parents and I practically lived with her during the summers in high school. They will be the maids of honor at my wedding (I can't choose between them). This picture was taken when we went to Biloxi to see Taylor Swift.

Starting Over - Sort Of

So, I know I've said this before (nearly a year ago) that I was going to stop neglecting my little space here in the interwebz. I've failed miserably, obviously. In an effort to start writing again I'm going to do the "30 Day Photo Challenge" blog style. I know it is a total rip off of a FB thing, but whatevs.

Also, I am going to attempt to make my blog a place of positivity. I've discussed my negative nature in the past. I struggle with pessimism and negativity a LOT, so I'm going to challenge myself to try and keep this space positive.

First, a little update on life over the past year. January 2010 I posted some resolutions, and I can report that they were not a complete failure. I did go to the gym (well yoga) consistently for the majority of the year, but have fallen off the wagon now. *Note to self: must go back to gym* I am more conscious of my eating, but have not cut out processed food nearly as much as I want to. I am hoping to work more on that this year. I did go to a doula workshop, then began an apprenticeship with a local doula. It is going VERY well. I love it and have found my calling. I will discuss that more in later posts. I also took more pictures. In fact I purchased a DSLR and have been taking birth photos as well. As for attitude, well, that is a work in progress. I struggle with this, and really need to make a better effort to keep a positive, happy, outlook on life. I'm still working on that. The blog speaks for itself (major fail on that resolution).

I have been quite busy lately. I still have my full time job in higher ed, though it has changed somewhat since my last posting. As mentioned above I am also on the road to becoming a doula. So, I have 2 full time jobs. Well, close to full time. My doula'ing is not quite full time, but most evenings after work, and last weekend I attended to 4 moms in 5 days! The ex - boyfriend is definitely no longer EX. Things are going VERY well between us. No relationship is easy and ours is no exception, but our communication (read: me communicating) has gotten much better. We are house hunting right now, and we cannot wait to find one. Unfortunately, last year also had some sadness. My family lost both my grandfather (technically step-grandfather but I never saw him as "step") and a young (26 yo) cousin to cancer. My great-aunt passed as well. My grandfather and great-aunt lived long (both into their 80s) full lives. My cousin's death, however, is one that I've struggled with. He was so young and so full of potential. I can't help but wonder WHY?

That's what I've been up to. Now on to the 30 day photo challenge!

"IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD, IT'S GOOD!!! PIGS HAVE FLOWN!! HELL HAS FROZEN OVER!!! THE SAINTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!"*

It’s been pretty exciting in southern Louisiana the past couple weeks. You may have heard our team is going to the super bowl for the first time in history and we are pretty pumped up about the whole thing. I realize there are plenty of fair-weather fans out there, but many of us have been waiting a long time for this. Personally I’ve been waiting 27 years, but my dad has been waiting since 1967, when the franchise was founded. While I was growing up my dad, some of my family, and close family friends had season tickets, and gathered at rotating parties for all the away games. Basically I grew up on Saints (and LSU) football. Granted I didn’t care so much when I was younger. Like many things I took this for granted as a child, and didn’t really care about football, but now, as an adult, am very happy to have the history. I’ll even admit that I was a little emotional when we beat the Vikings a couple weeks ago. The tears didn’t actually fall, but I was definitely misty eyed. Honestly, it’s still a little surreal, and I’ve had to pinch myself a few times over the past couple weeks just to make sure it’s happening.

The people of New Orleans have many characteristics. Among them is fierce determination and loyalty. When our team sucked we stood behind them. Even during the losing ‘80s, the years of the “Aints”, when Buddy D advised the fans to wear paper bags over their heads to all the home games. Buddy D vowed that if the saints ever made it to the superbowl he’d walk down Bourbon Street wearing a dress. Unfortunately, Buddy D passed away a few years back, but Bobby Hebert (that’s pronounced a-bear) and the men of New Orleans made good on his promise and had a dress parade down Bourbon St last weekend. Now, if there is one thing us New Orleanians are good at it’s partying. Our most famous street is Bourbon Street, ‘nuff said. We are so good at partying that I did not learn any of the following until adulthood, when I moved away from the Big Easy:

1. Bars close? The first time I was at a bar and they announced last call at 2am I had to ask someone what the hell that meant. The quarter never shuts down, we can, and will, party 24/7.
2. Only in southern Louisiana can you buy liquor/beer/wine a couple isles over from baby diapers and potato chips. I had no idea what a liquor store was because we always got our alcohol at the grocery store.
3. They don’t have drive through daiquiris everywhere? They are ALL over the Nola metropolitan area. It’s not an open container until you put the straw in! You can even buy it by the gallon.
4. Dry Counties? Really? There are actually places that ban alcohol? That should be a federal crime….
5. Mardi Gras is not a national holiday?!?! Everything shuts down for Mardi Gras. It’s one of our biggest displays of drunken debauchery parties of the year, and I assumed everyone else celebrated too. We have a fairly large catholic population so this is our last hurrah before lent begins.

I guess I should mention that these days I’m kind of an old lady. My partying days have all but ceased now because I usually go to bed early and am ready to leave the bar by midnight. It’s kinda sad actually. However, when the situation arises I know what to do, and this weekend I fully intend to get my party on!

I Believe!


*Title borrowed from a statement at the end of NFC Championship game by local sportscaster Jim Henderson

My Week was Pretty Good, How was Yours?

I've had a pretty good week overall. Went to yoga twice, which really makes a difference in my week. I am pretty high strung, and it forces me to chill out and mentally unwind, even if it is only for an hour. I'd go again tonight, but there isn’t a class at my gym this evening.

I've been ruminating on who I am, what I want out of my life, and who I want to be. I realized I have been focusing on the wrong things. I think I knew this already, somewhere in my subconscious, but have been having a hard time actually accepting it. I am feeling pretty motivated about making changes in my life. I have done more research, and am debating between 2 doula workshops. One is at the last week of February the second is the first week of March. The issue I’m debating now is location. The one in Pensacola is closer, and would be cheaper because I’d be driving instead of flying. But the one in Tampa has a place for me to stay, with a friend who I don’t see enough. I am hoping to finish one of the books I need to read this weekend. I also found a local doula that takes apprentices, so I am pretty excited about that.

I am very seriously considering moving once I am ready to make this career change reality. I’ve been feeling New Orleans pulling on me. I’ve thought for a very long time that I’d be content living in my current city (I use that term loosely, I mean technically this place is a city, but it feels small town-ish at times) for the foreseeable future. I am very close to New Orleans, about an hour away, and can go home whenever I want. But I feel discontent here. I want to be closer so that I can take more advantage of the local music scene and I feel that there are many more cultural opportunities in general there. I feel a magnetic attraction, almost as if I’m being drawn there against my will. I think it’s a place you either love or hate; obviously the former for myself, but I’m biased.

Work was fairly uneventful. The only “exciting” thing that happened this week is freezing cold weather, which really deserves it’s own post. Time for me to get reading, have a good weekend!

 

Resolutions.

 Its that time of year again, where we set our personal goals for the next year. To be perfectly honest I don’t usually set resolutions. I always figured it’s not like I‘m going to do them anyway, so why bother setting unrealistic expectations of myself. BUT this year I am going to turn over a new leaf and set realistic goals that I will actually work to attain. I realize that we are nearly a week into the new year, so this is a little late (ha! already failing on #5 re: post more often), but I had good intentions. I did actually start writing it prior to the new year it just didn’t get finished and posted. So, without further ado my goals for 2010:
 

1. Go to the gym consistently. 2-3 days of yoga a week and 2-3 days of cardio/weight training per week.
2. Eat less processed foods. Eat more veggies and fruits. And most importantly buy local as much as possible.
3. Attitude. Try to be more positive everyday, and don’t bitch so much at work. This will be my most difficult resolution. 
4. Go to Doula training. I keep putting this one off. I’ve begun the reading I need to do. I may not be able to do a total career shift, but I need to work towards finding a career I care about.
5. Do something with the blog. It is in desperate need of a facelift and a little TLC. I need to learn some html. And post more often.
6. Take more pictures.
   
   

Insert Witty Title Here

Had a fairly good weekend. A friend of mine came in from Austin, TX, on her way to Florida, so I got to hang out with her. Which made me realize how much I miss my girlfriends. After graduating they all moved away, and I don't see them very often. I haven't laughed like that in quite a while, Saturday was fabulous. I met up with her and a couple of other guys I used to hang out with in college. We went to a couple of bars to watch some football. Then we went and had sushi for dinner. I really need to make more of an effort to keep in touch and go see her more often because seriously FUN TIMES. Relaxed and hung out with some other friends on Sunday (note to self need to hang out with them more).

The ant issue in my apartment persists. I called last week to see if they can come spray (that was Thursday) and hadn't heard back from them. So, I called back today because the bastards have migrated from being in my kitchen/living room area to my bathroom, which is were my pup stays when I am gone. While I was on the phone the office person told me that they are having a hard time getting the bug company to come out and spray because they are so busy, but they have a list of apartments that need to be sprayed. I got off the phone thought about the conversation for a moment then I was like "What the F*ck?" You have a whole list of people who are having ant problems, not the kind of ants that don't bite these are fire ants, and you can't find someone to come out and spray? Are you f*cking kidding me? I'm thinking that you need to call that company and say either come out and spray or loose our business. I can guarantee they could find someone to come out because seeing how it is an apartment complex that would be a fairly large contract for a company to obtain, meaning $$$. I just think its ridiculous to have what must be an infestation of ants and let it go for days, oh yeah and they don't know if they can even get them to come out this week, it may not be till next, so actually letting the problem go for weeks. I am a generally non-confrontational person, but I kinda wanna go to the office and get confrontational with these people. I'm not throwing money down the drain paying rent each month to hire my own exterminator thankyouverymuch.

Still haven't decided what I'm doing for Turkey Day, but am leaning towards going to my BF's (best friend) house to have dinner with her family. I have also decided to give in and read Twilight. I'm sick of being told "OMG YOU HAVE TO READ IT!!!" so I am. Not that I have anything against it. I just didn't have any desire to read it. I already know what happens in the end but I like reading so I'm sure I'll enjoy it anyway. Now to make it through the next two and half days of work then I will make it to my looong weekend!

What's Goin On

The past two weeks have been a little crazy. Two weeks ago I was on staycation. I had dreams of cleaning and organizing some things in my apt, and relaxing, reading a book or two. Those dreams were dashed when my a/c broke that Saturday night. Well I usually stay at the ex boyfriend's house on the weekend, so I called my apartment complex to tell them the a/c was broke. I was thinking by the time i got home Sunday night surely my a/c would be fixed. Living in the south without an a/c in the summer is pretty much not an option. Okay I admit it I am a spoiled sissy. I can live without the a/c, hell some people did for a month last summer when hurricane Gustav hit, but it is very uncomfortable, and as I said before I am a sissy. Alas my a/c was not fixed Sunday night. I decide to try to stick it out and stay here anyway, until I woke up at 2am drenched in sweat and decided I would go back to the ex boyfriend's apartment and stay there. Monday rolls around and they "fix" my a/c only what they did, did not in fact fix the a/c. Here comes Tuesday, which quickly becomes a repeat on Monday, and at this point they realize they cannot fix it and have to replace it. Oh yeah and they can't do that until Wednesday. So, half the week is gone, they replace the unit on Wednesday and I have a/c. Hallefreakinlujah! During this half of the week I stayed at the ex boyfriend's because with the temperature getting up into the 90s and the heat index near or over 100 I did not want to stay at my place. So Thursday come and I'm thinking ok I still have two days left to get stuff done. Then the ex boyfriend calls. His hot water heater broke, and since I'm off of work can I go over there and wait for the repairman to come. Of course I go over there, because I can't say no, and he really can't take off of work. Well they didn't show up on Thursday, so I go back on Friday they finally come and I have Friday afternoon to myself. I get nothing done that I wanted to, and was frankly pretty annoyed at this point that my week was filled with broken appliances and I got NOTHING done.  Oh yeah, and worse than not getting anything done there is NO INTERNET at the ex boyfriend's apartment, not even a wireless connection I can steal, which for me is traumatic.

Last week was crazy busy for me, as is this week and will be for the next 4 weeks. This is our busy time at work. One of two months of the year that I absolutely dread. Last week I was playing catch up at work for being out the week before. This week I am getting the most  important, and most dreadful task I must complete finished. I am still not caught up from being off for a week, but I will get there. I am trying to not let all the work stuff stress me out, but this month usually gets the best of me and I want to run away screaming. 

So, I may be scarce for the next few weeks. Not that this will matter to all of the one person who is probably reading this. I am going to the beach this weekend and I am absolutely stoked. The beach is my happy place so I am really looking forward to it, and my pup gets to come with me, she likes the beach too. We can both use the break.

Now I am going back to my pot of coffee and will bust my a$$ for the next few hours and  be productive!

Progress?

So, I have made some progress since my last post. I went to the gym last week, a few times, okay only twice, but I have to start somewhere right? I've made excuses the past couple days, but I am definitely going to yoga tonight, it keeps me sane.

I have put some thought into the whole hobby business, and I've come up with a couple of things I think are financially feasible, and more importantly that I will enjoy and that will provide a creative outlet. I am going to take a cake decorating class, and am also looking into a photography class. I have a pretty decent digital camera and, I think, I could take some good pictures if I had more knowledge of what settings to use etc...Also, there is a beginner's class for photoshop available as well so I am considering taking it too. 

My apartment has been kept up fairly well. My room still has some work that needs to be done, but is looking much better. Part of the problem in my room is lack of space to store things, mainly clothes. However, I am working on a remedy. My dad is going to be selling his house and getting rid of the majority of his furniture (he recently married and is moving in with my step-mom and will not need it anymore). So, in what was my room, is an antique bedroom set. I will be getting the dresser, and if I can find space for it, the vanity as well. This will alleviate my space issue, at which point I will have no excuse for a messy room other than laziness.

As far as the whole watching my tone situation I am a work in progress. I have caught myself a few times and corrected myself, and apologized to the victim, who is usually my ex boyfriend. I think this is the hardest item on my list.

Water is a big fail, you would think it wouldn't be that hard. I guess I shouldn't call it a total fail since I am improving, but I am not where I should be yet. 

I am also considering a career change. I pretty much hate my job. I've been working on a post about that for a while, but just can't seem to get it right. I am not making any quick changes here for a number of reasons. However, I think I have at least figured out what I want to do and am going to take steps towards it. I am pretty sure I want to be a midwife, but I am first going to become a Doula. They don't offer the workshop near where I live so I will have to travel, but they are offering the workshop in Austin, TX. Conveniently enough I have a friend who lives there who I am hoping will lend me her couch for a few days. They have one in September and another in October. They are over a weekend, so I would only have to take off a Friday & Monday from work, which should be a non-issue. I have already purchased the reading material I must complete before going to the workshop. I am pretty excited because I have been struggling with hating my job, but needing my job because I have bills to pay. However, I'm still pretty nervous about finding a job in this field. I know of one agency in my area that provides doula services, but I haven't contacted them to find out if they want/need another one.  I figure I need to take it one step at a time, and will contact them once I have attended the workshop. Also, in order to become certified I will have to attend live births, of course, and conveniently enough my cousin just found out she is pregnant so I am hoping she will allow me to be there with her. 

UN-Motivated

I am having serious motivation issues in pretty much every aspect of my life.

Work: Where my lack of motivation is the worst. I have things I *should* be doing, but just can't make myself. I also think my unhappiness with work is also cause for lack of motivation in other areas.

Home: My room=disaster. I keep telling myself "ok you are gonna go home today and get it organized!" Instead I sit on the sofa and watch tv, maybe read a book. As for laundry, well, let's just say it is a good thing I have enough underwear to last a few weeks. 

Gym: Haven't worked out all week. Okay, I'll be honest I haven't really worked out consistently for a few months now. I used to have  routine, and I have totally abandoned it. Since I sit behind a desk for nearly 40 hours a week I really should make an effort to go to the gym to get my blood flowing. Not to mention that I am desperately in need of toning. I am blessed in the fact that I am thin and don't have to work at it. People assume because I am not overweight that I am healthy. Not so much. I eat healthy, but I am not nearly as active as I should be which truly is half of being a healthy person.

Blog: I have a few posts that I've started, but am having a hard time finishing. 

My Dog: Needs a bath desperately. She stinks.

I've been thinking that I really need a hobby. I just don't know what it should be. That and hobbies can be expensive. Oh yeah and I have no motivation to figure out what my hobby should be. I think a hobby would be good for me, give me something to do. I really need to find something for myself to focus on. I am just so blah lately.

Why am I here?

Well as I stated in the Pilot I feel like I have some things to get out, and am hoping that writing, well blogging, is the outlet I'm seeking. My therapy if you will. I do not journal for reasons that, at some point, will be discussed here. I am working on finding myself, my voice, and my confidence that got lost somewhere along my journey. I don't consider myself a good writer, but am hoping to surprise myself and push myself by becoming a better, more creative writer.

Another reason I am here is because I LOVE reading blogs. The women, and men, I read inspire me to write and to share myself. I also like the anonymity that blogging can provide. Since I am not sharing this with anyone I know, I feel I can use it as an outlet to discuss issues I am not comfortable discussing otherwise. Maybe, I will even give up my anonymity eventually.

As far as the existential question "Why am I here?" I'm working on that one too.